Ninja TSA
by RandomDustBunnyzAngel
Summary: ...is that even right? XD don't think so. A sure stupid parody type thing -that is only a parody because it fits into no other category- for chap 539. Don't like bad jokes? Don't read.


**This Wednesday is National Spork day, when you're just thankful you have Sporks, cause some people don't. Let's make that a real international holiday, you get work off with pay and everything! There might be a few sudden and unexplained stabbings by crazy people nobody realised were crazy ,but we'll work out the kinks.**

**Warnings: foul language, bad jokes, bad writing, slight OOC-ness, weirdness. Oh and this stories pacing is like a Porno.**

**Thankies: Yuti-chan, Queenoffanficworldlovegunner, Princess Zathura and Catlover123456789 XD, easy to type.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto Masashi Kishimoto and TvTokyo do.**

**Start**

All we've seen so far with the fighting and war took place in a single day, now we're following the nighttime stories, ninja world after dark, bow chika wowwow.

Nah just kidding we get tents full of bleeding people and a very tired Neji wobbling -stumbling ,same thing- back and forth on the battlefield! Which next to a party is the worst place to pass out.

From all of ten feet away Kiba noticed his comrade rolling down the little hill he was standing on,"Neji!," Dog boy ran over,"Are you okay?,"

"Yes Kiba, I just nearly fainted to get attention," You are a teenager, we shouldn't rule it out.

"Geez no need to get all _Mary _on me," Kiba watched the Hyuuga struggle to stand,"Why don't you head back to base and get some rest? I've got it handled," He told him, pulling a map from his knapsack.

It's a super map! It can help anything, if you're lost it can lead you back civilization, if you can't find dry wood it can make good fuel for the fire, It's pretty.

Neji snorted,"Fine, but don't blame me if something happens,"

"Like what," Kiba quirked an eyebrow.

"Like me getting taken over by the enemy and turning evil or something,"

Your wish is Kishi's command, it's just not the same wish you expected, he's gotten stuck one too many times in the old lamp.

**Squeee! **

We've stumbled across Zombji's! In a forest. Watch yourselves, Zombji's are known to be quite dangerous!

"I thought you knew everything about Madara," The white haired bag of bones, who was being supported by Itachi, said in a dry tone.

Oh, nevermind, it's only peace-maker one and two.

"I thought I did too," The Uchiha grumbled.

"Who would've thought we'd end up being resurrected by a snake/nerd combo guy we've never met and thrown into the very same battle we fought so long to never let happen," Nagato said in a nostalgic way, his eyes glazing over.

"Life's confusing," Itachi said.

"It sure is,"

**WHEEEEE!**

Miles away, in rows of medical tents surrounded by a wall of earth and big Akimichi guys, were the wounded ninja that we don't care about but get to check up on anyway because filler isn't filler unless there are plenty of stock characters to send off in the boat to the center of the creek where the light will shine down and carry you up into the heavens!

Yes the universe will go Cocoon on your ass.

"Yeah I'm hurt, I am hurt," one of them said in an oddly calm voice.

"Oh Kami the pain!," Another cried.

"I need 200 ML of Saline! Quick!," A Panicking Shizune ordered the scrambling medic ninja behind her.

Yeah grab that Saline, we need to keep everybody hydrated and while you're at it pick up a couple vials of that useless _Morphine_, you know the stuff that they gave Private Ryan right before he died.

Bad example.

At the front of base the two Akimichi brothers -or cousins which ever- shook their dull ended, completely useless sticks at a shadowed ninja.

"Halt! We are this bases sensory ninja," One of them said,"The Akimichi brothers," they yelled together.

"And we can't let you pass unless we check your chakra!," The red cheeked one said.

"Go ahead," The strange ninja shrugged.

He couldn't be a threat if he was so willing, it goes against everything the Antagonist characters stand for, "Okay you pass go through," The two shrugged.

"Thanks!," The ninja that is probably going to end up slaughtering everyone said walking into the camp.

Damn these guards here lately have been as bad as Airport security (Pilot smoking a cigarette? Not on my watch!)

Inside one of the tents, away from the ranting voice from beyond the leaves of the paper shrub that follows our heroes and bad guys around wherever they go, Sakura stretched her arms over her head, picking the pencil she used to secure her hair.

"Whoo time for my lunch break," she cheered with a smile.

The long line of people standing behind her all gapped,"Hey! What about us?~!," they all asked together.

The medic waved her hand at them,"Shizune can handle it, can't you Shizune?,"

The black haired medic looked over her shoulder at Sakura, her hands pressing down on the spurting wound of a random ninja,"Actually-,"

Sakura laughed, "Great, bye," she zoomed away, knocking a few of the injured ninja over as she ran out.

"I hate HMO's," One of the ninja now on the ground said.

Ten minutes later Sakura returned to a passed out Shizune, Several very angry patients aiming IV stands at her head and-

"Neji!," she exclaimed, completely ignoring the creepy guy that has no relevance, it doesn't matter how much Kishi tries to mislead us with this guy, it just isn't going happen.

That's right Neji, he made good time considering he almost passed out.

The Hyuuga went into the tent and Sakura quickly got to work with the healing,"That takes care of that," she sighed as she was finished wrapping the bandages around the shirtless byakugan user.

"Thanks," Neji grunted.

"Go get some rest," Just as the pink haired ditz was seeing Neji off the feet of awkward timing got into the plot once again.

See! Something bad is happening.

In another tent an old man stood leaning over a desk,"And done!," he said stepping back from the table, "Finally the minature replica of this room made out of tongue-depressors is complete! To think I only lost a platoon while making it,"

The flap of the tent opened and the feet entered.

The old medic grinned at him or her,"Hey did you see N-," his face contorted in fear.

Run old man!

More feet enter the picture as we go to another tent and another random medic forced his way through the tent flap,"Toyosa, Takemaru, and Hino are all dead! Somebody killed them all!," Thanks for clearing that up we would've thought they fell off a cliff together.

We skip randomly over to the sight, where the bodies were laid out all Crime drama style.

"Oh no! Three stock characters that not even wiki knows about are dead!," A random ninja said.

"A spy must've managed to slip inside," Tango narrowed his eyes.

"But how? We're going TSA on everyone who even tried to get in!," A medic ninja said frantically.

"Obviously it isn't a simple transformation, which means a ninja already in the compound is being controlled by the enemy," Sakura said.

"That must be a powerful technique," Tango bit his thumb nail.

Suddenly totally not evil Neji walked into frame,"What's going on?," he asked.

The team of five explained what happened.

"I see,if there is a ninja being controlled, finding them could be difficult," Neji said stroking his chin in a thoughtful manner, "Who knows, they might be standing here right now,"

Everyone nodded in agreement, even though that sounded really suspicious. Like, LAPD would beat the shit out of him for being so suspicious, suspicious.

"Medic ninja are one of the major advantages we have in this war," A crouching medic said, "There's no way the army can battle the Edo Tensei zombies without out backup," Thank you Captain Obvious for telling us something that has already been explained.

"If we let this distract us we'll be at a huge disadvantage tomorrow when the fighting resumes," Tango said.

Wait they're on break? I didn't know you could call time outs and shit in war. Can you go on Snow-cone runs too?

"I'll find our spy," The others looked at Neji expectantly, maybe thinking if they stared at him long enough he would catch on fire or would start flying around,"Later, not now. You guys go back to your tents and take care of the injured, but watch your backs,"

With that Neji and Sakura both left.

The rest were about to do the same but that one guy that loves to ruin a good moment stopped them by walking out of the tent where the old medic had been killed carrying the model he'd built,"Wait guys, look at this,"

The other two medics peeked over the walls of the model, inside was a little doll in a lab coat on the fake dirt ground surrounded by a tiny pool of red juice and a little copy of Neji standing over him.

"What do you think it means?," one of the ninja asked.

Gee, I wonder.

**0 0 0**

In another tent, two medic ninja's that seem familiar stood talking.

Okay one was standing one was sitting and both were quiet, until,"Hey," The bald medic spoke up,"Do you remember where we first met each other?," he paused,"It's not like I'm doubting you or anything! I just...I don't think you're a spy,"

"You liar, yes you do!," the other guy yelled.

Suddenly Neji stepped into the tent making the two medics piss themselves, "Rikudo don't jump out like that," The old one said, grasping his chest.

Neji ignored them so he could ask his own question,"Where's Sakura?,"

"Something happen?,"

"Someone suspicious caught my eye and I tailed him but he got away, thinking back to earlier I remember seeing him hanging around Sakura," The Hyuuga explained.

"Well she's in tent 3," the older medic furrowed his brow,"You seem to remember things in specific detail,"

"Yeah sounds like you rehearsed that or something," The bald one said.

"Actually," Neji ran forward, drew two kunai from his butt pack and stabbed them in the guts,"I did," he smirked.

Ahhh the killer is Neji, in the tent with a kunai :D

**Dundundundundunduuuuuuuuuuun, Neji's face was creepy**

This entire chapter has been nothing but people going in and out of tents, running to tents far away, running to tents close by, breaking through the flaps of tents, tripping and falling into the sides of tents tearing them down.

We've said 'tent' way too many times this chapter is what I'm saying.

We go over to another damn tent -they are now the veins of my existance- where Sakura was taking _another _break. Finally the mystery guy that's been staring at us creepily every other panel stepped in.

Sakura jumped,"Oh it's you, what's wrong are you still in pain?," she asked him.

The nameless ninja looked down nervously at his hands,"No actually, I'm feeling a lot better now...the thing is since you treated me," he paused, thinking over his words,"Since you treated me," Sakura tilted her head cutely,"I haven't been able to stop thinking about you!," she flinched when he shoved a letter into her face,"I even wrote you a love letter, no grease stains or anything!,"

You like her, so you stalked her, makes sense. It did distract us from figuring out who the culprit was for all of two minutes.

Haruno took the paper but smiled apologetically,"This is really sweet, but I already like somebody else," she said in a sympathetic voice.

The ninja's head fell forward,"I figured," he grinned, "But that doesn't mean we can't, you know,"

Sakura looked puzzled for a second before she made a face of disgust,"Oh, EW!," she exclaimed stepping backward.

"Come on we might die! You're telling me we can't just-,"

Outside Neji stood smirking at the tent. Looks like he's going to rape it.

**Random Time this one is an AU setting :D**

Naruto sat on the couch of his apartment, mindless shoveling chees puffs into his mouth, his eyes glazed over as he watched the fake Italian douche-bags rant, rave and yell out words he didn't understand.

He just couldn't wrap his mind around what the word Guidette meant (Actually had to look up the Jersey Shore dictionary just to learn how to spell that word) it sounded like a mix between a tour guide and a Red light district prostitute.

Suddenly Sakura walked into the room, in all her high-class, suit wearing glory,"You know cheese puffs are bad for you," she said, pushing random buttons on her cell phone.

She just wanted Naruto to think she was actually busy, truthfully her client fired her when he found out she was just a kid and didn't actually know anything about being a lawyer, this wasn't a prodigy underestimated situation, the pinkette was still a freshman in university.

The man promised not to call the police if she gave him her fancy Pager, too bad it wasn't the 90's and nobody except for old people knew what a pager even was.

"They go right to your gut," She continued, "Soon you'll end up being a hundred pounds over weight," she didn't even realize that Naruto wasn't listening to her, "You won't be able to teach ninjutsu like you wanted," he just kept his eyes on the screen, one hand in the cheese puff bag, the other near his mouth.

"You'll never get a date, you'll never get married, even if you do you'll die young and you're kids will be fatherless," Sakura's expression darkened as she leaned over the couch and pointed a finger in the blonds face, finally catching his attention, "And if you think I'm going to raise six kids on my own you got another thing coming!,"

Naruto pulled the ear-phone buds out of his ears, "Hey Sakura when did you get here?,"

**End**

**Yeeah, didn't think I would be able to post this since my Internet went down but it turned back on at like 2 am, and waddya know that's about the time I usually post stories/chapters anyway! Thank you for reading please review! Favorite! all that good stuufffffs! or else I'll stretch out every single word!...ooorrrrdddd, **

**Kami i need some sleep, Ja ne~**


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